Preppy Girl's Guide

Seriously, I think we are long lost twins - I had a big temper tantrum this weekend and as frenzied of cleaning that I can do on 1 1/2 feet then Mr Fly had the nerve to got to a baseball game, come home very late and very drunk and start complaining about the kitchen and THEN wanted to get busy. I told him if we wants to get busy he can take his drunk ass back to the kitchen and get busy in there -by himself :)

Hope today is better!

LOL - OMG flybunny that is too funny. I am laughing out loud in my office. MEN!

I initially hesitated to comment here because I'm concerned anything I put here might be construed as an attack or as an excuse. There is no system in place at the home that has been committed to. There have been a few routines established, but mostly they are partial. My work schedule is the cause for a lot of this. Both full time jobs I've had in the past few years have required long days. This last one has long days and weekends. So, I'm not around often when the kids need the most coverage. We both have roles we've fallen into. Preppygirl handles most of the child-wrangling and bathroom duty. I do the outdoor chores such as mowing, weedwacking, recycling and garbage removal. I also do most of the cooking, bill-paying, and washing of the clothes.
In terms of hours spent doing these things each week, I'd say we're even. But let's face it - most of what Preppygirl does with the kids involves their behavior and require more immediate attention. I deal with the inanimate objects which can be done at almost any hour of the day or night. Who has a tougher row to hoe here? She does. We never sat down and agreed it would go down like this, it just happened this way. I'm cleaner than I used to be, but not on an ascending scale as we've had another child and now a dog. I'm still back at "one-child clean" and even then it wasn't great. I'd like to work out a system and establish concrete chore responsibilities.
I've felt that since most of the mess I make in the kitchen is part of cooking for the family, then everyone who ate can help clean. I've felt the same way about the laundry. I have bottled up frustration at laundry, much in the same way as Preppy has with the kitchen. I have washed and folded clothes that I don't wear that have sat in a basket or on the floor for over a week. Have I left clothes out in the same manner? Sure. Do I put mine away more often? In my opinion, yes. (You wouldn't know it this week though). Has Preppygirl left dishes out before? Yes. As much as me? Hell no! And I know that dirty laundry doesn't attract roaches or ants, but that doesn't make dishwashing any more important than laundry washing.
Preppygirl is entitled to a freak out. Lord knows I have them - some vocal (the lawnmower oil) and some not so vocal (last night when I realized that I had no underwear and no laundry had been done since Saturday-I should have looked ahead, but felt some could have been done). But I was out shooting a video most of the day and back to work at night. Do I have a leg to stand on? Probably not. I want to make changes, I truly do. The message board on the fridge works well for me. It serves as a constant reminder. And Preppygirl has grown more diplomatic in how she prints them (I can't stand the ones that read like proverbs - simple bulleted statements do just fine.) We both freak out about situations that we haven't learned how to control. And we both try to calm the other down. And we both get upset at the other for not calming down. I've got to do more with this issue and help to establish routines that are stuck to. I simply want it to be known that the scope is much larger than the kitchen.

P.S. I'm great at starting things, it's the finishing part I need to work on!

Prologue Script: I love my wife! (I know...too late)

Damn dude, I was just venting. Don't get so defensive. I'm sure everyone assumes I'm no "saint" when it comes to cleaning. If I were, it wouldn't get this bad to begin with.

I'll have to say that's the longest damn comment I've ever seen. Congratulations.


I love you too honey.

Damned if I do comment, damned if I don't. I didn't want to put it as part of my blog as a back and forth. Reading your post and writing my comment helped me to clear my head and put things into perspective. I'm going to start putting my laundry loads on the board so I can keep on top of things.

I feel for both you guys, not always obvious to juggle work, kids, chores, etc. If you hate one task so much why not split it? Hubby and I split chores: I wash and fold, he puts away. One of us washes the dishes, the other one dries. One chops/prepares the ingredients, the other cooks. Often even it will be one cooks, the other does the dishes. They are certain tasks that only one does and that's fine too. What ever works, but it has to work for both parties involved! and not sit there for days!

Having a routine or rules is a great thing, it help to keep things organised. For me the worst thing I can do is procrastinate, 'cause then it simply accumulate, I get frustrated and eventually reach my treashold (or blow a fuse, depending!) and go mad... So, I've develop the habit of getting rid of things as soon as I'm done with them: dirty dish, not on the counter, straight into the dishwasher! Seems simple enough, and yet...

And in my humble opinion, the worst thing you (both) could do is keep score. It's not about who does what and how often... Like Shmuley said (from "Shalom in the Home"): "Good discipline is just another form of love". That goes for kids and ALSO for parents. So give yourselves a little loving and get some freakin' discipline!

Thanks stinky. You're right. And it probably isn't as bad as I make it sound. Things get done, our house isn't a pig sty (I'm sure you're all imagining piles of clutter and roaches crawling around). It's not like that at all. There are a few clean laundry piles and some paperwork piles, (and let's not forget the toy room - a whole other story) but otherwise it's really quite cleaned up. I just SEE the dirt no one else sees. Ya know? I gotta start watching that Shalom in the Home. Either that or get the Queer Eye guys to come over. My husband would LOVE it (seriously). He wants to be one of their projects! And let's face it, I still love him no matter what. :)

BTW size 15 - did you really eat the last of the mac & cheese I was gonna give the kids for dinner? Jeesh. Instead I am making them martinis with your vodka and olives - you don't mind - right? Just teasing of course...

Uncle Buck is on HBO, your favorite! I wish you were here to watch it with us. Actually, I gotta go to Wally-world for some dog food. It never ends. Have fun at school tonight. See ya later!

Preppygirl, you are allowed to vent. I've noticed in many of your posts and comments you post your thoughts and then someone calls you on it and you back track.
You were pissed and overwhelmed and vented. It's not like you said you were getting divorced or that you hated your husband (quite the contrary).
I totally understand where you're coming from (you know I do). It's not so much about what Galoot isn't doing. We understand that our husbands certainly try and as far as husbands go ~ ours rank pretty high.

I must say in light of Size 15's comments: he does a shit load more than my husband around the house. Laundry? me. Dishes? me. Lawn maintanance? me and my mom (though he does mow once in awhile). Finances and bill paying? me. Cooking? he does when he's home which is next to never. Kids? me. etc. etc.

one of us needs to win an insane amount of money and buy us both personal secretaries, chauffeurs, house cleaning professionals, and massge therapists.
it must be AWESOME to be rich.

I keep thinking I'll come home to the house and a TV crew will be here with a pile of mine and the kids' stuff ready to be thrown out. We get to pick one thing to keep and the rest is trash. Wasn't that on "MegaNanny" or some show like that?

Neither hubby nor I are particularly neat. But we are messy in different ways, which generally works out OK. He leaves clothes on the floor, which drives me nuts so I pick them up. I leave dishes on the kitchen counter, which drives him nuts, so he picks them up. Our problem area is the counter between the kitchen and the dining room. It's kind of a catch-all for mail, magazines, son's bag for school, my bag for work, etc...I try to keep it uncluttered, but fail at that constantly. Hubby would love to clean it, but I ask him not to, because after he does, I can never find anything.

As far as the division of labor, I feel ours is generally fair, but possibly hubby does more.

Laundry: I get a load ready at night. Hubby puts it in the washer in the morning. At night I put in the in the drier and hang my son's clothes on the shower hook to dry (prevents shrinkage). The next morning hubby brings dry laundry upstairs, in the evening I fold it and put it away. Sure, it takes 2 days to finish a load entirely and it is pretty much a never ending cycle because by then a new load is started, but it works for us.

Dishes, garbage and most yard work: Hubby.

Cooking: About 60/40 (majority hubby)

Bill paying: Me.

I tend to run LOTS of errands on my lunch break. I usually go to the grocery store, hardware store, post office, Target, or somewhere else at least 3 out of 5 work days.

Keeping track of things: Me (this may not sound like a big deal, but without it, library books would never be returned, phone calls would not be returned, we would be out of milk, have forgotten his mother's birthday, the dog would not have his heartworm pill...) You'd think a calendar would suffice to keep track of such things, but apparently the calendar is only visible to me.

I apologize if I trumped galoot in the longest comment catagory, it was not my intent...

Damn you guys. We should all live in a big house and each person would have a specialty. Galoot, you and princess's husband can do the cooking. We'll leave bill paying to 3 carn. I will clean and Princess can watch the kids while 3 carnations' husband does the yard work. Stinkypaw, you can be the house mediator. And wordnerd - we'll need someone to do the blogging.

Now I'm seeing why Big Love works!

Oh, and flybunny, you can be the social director for the women... Plan a girls' night out once a week to maintain our sanity (and pedicures at least once a month).

I have also been known to have the occasional cleaning freakout. But actually my husband has been the one having them more recently. I have turned into a slob!

Yay!!! I got a job and one that I can actually handle! Thanks PG!

Princess gets to watch the kids??? I'm getting screwed.

Okay princess, we can take turns. I thought you might prefer it to cleaning but I see your point. We could just take the kids to McDonald's every day around 10 am. Let them play on the playground, feed 'em a happy meal and let them play some more. By nap time they should be good and beat. We'll let them nap in the ball pit and then it's dinner time. A little more playing and the day's over. Sound good?